“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.” – Frida Kahlo
I have already opened up about my husband’s medical condition in a post I wrote about a year ago. And I am glad to say that most days he feels good… of course regularly he suffers from side effects of all the medication he has to take, but he hangs in there and we enjoy life as much as possible.
The years before the kidney transplant were really difficult. I now often say to myself “If I had known all this before, I never think we could’ve gone through it all”… and yet you do… because you really can endure so much more than you think you can!
When bad luck strikes you, you are able to do just that bit more than you normally would. You are so much stronger than you think you are… You’re amidst all the misery and hassle of handling life while your husband is very sick… you’ve got three little children to raise… a job which you want to do as good as you can… and your household you’ve got to run… but you just do it.
Step by step… you take each day as it comes and you try to hold on to those better days… it’s the only way to handle it all… and I didn’t even have to undergo the pain and hospitalisations myself so for my husband it must have been pure and utter hell at times!
I never knew I was this strong though. Looking back on those hard years, I can honestly say that I could’ve done better… but I just know that I did my utmost best to handle the situation whilst trying not to go mad at times.
My husband and I have always tried to go on with our lives as normal as possible. We wanted our kids to have a fun and carefree childhood. And of course sometimes that was easier said than done… because let’s be honest… which 4 year old boy finds it amusing to have lunch in a hospital cantine? Which toddler wants her afternoon nap lying in a pram in a hospital room? Which school girl would like to make her homework in a hospital room whilst her daddy is lying sick in bed? But for them it was normal… they played, they read, they watched telly, they made their schoolwork at the hospital,… and most of the times they were so good you know!
My husband often said ‘you don’t have to come every day’ or ‘you don’t have to bring the kids every time’ because he knew what a hassle it sometimes was for me. But how could I not?! He always enjoyed us being there and I wanted the kids to be as much a part of his life than of mine.
So yes… I’m being honest when I say it was really hard at times… my husband, work, the kids, going to the hospital so many times, doing all my chores in and around the house… I went crazy sometimes… I cried… I asked myself many times “why is this happening to us?”.
Looking back on those years, I simply cannot understand how we did it… how we got through… but we endured it the best we could… and we came out ever so strong!